In which our little lady comes crashing in.

The title for part II of Chickpea's birth story comes from a song by Imogen Heap that was released just before her birth.  You can listen to it here.

I've combined my memories with the notes Bill took directly after the birth to bring you this complete(ish) account of our little lady's birth.

We decided not to take our stuff in with us to the hospital, since I thought labor was just getting underway and that I had actually just wet myself and they might just send us home.  I'd had a contraction in the car, and was now feeling them in my abdomen.  I had another when we arrived (it was only like a 5 minute drive) and one in the hallway to L&D.  I actually could have kept walking through them, but decided to take Bill up on his offer to take a little rest.

The nurse at the station asked "What's up?"  I wasn't really sure how to answer that, but went with "Well, I'm hoping I can stay here."  She probed for more information, and I told her that I thought perhaps my water had broken.  She showed me to a labor room and another nurse came in and had me change.  She asked if I wanted an epidural and I explained that I had thought I wouldn't get one, but now I wasn't so sure because I hadn't slept at all that night.  She suggested we revisit that after they got the lab result testing for amniotic fluid.  In 40 minutes.  That sounded like an eternity.  Then she had me get on the bed to get checked for dilation, which I did strategically so as not to put any pressure on my behind.  It seemed to be taking an awfully long time to do this task.  Then she just says "hold on, I need to get someone else," and left the room.

Other nurse came in and checked me and said "Yep, she's complete.  Probably a +2."

Um, what?

I started crying.  I was just not mentally prepared for that.  Bill asked for a kleenex for me.

Other nurse left the room and the first nurse explained how she needed to get other nurse because she couldn't believe that I was complete.  She thought she could feel baby's skull sutures and hair, but doubted herself and thought maybe my cervix was really high up or something and that she wasn't even reaching it.  She and other nurses around assumed they were going to have to send me home based on how calm and collected I was.

The room quickly filled with people, including the nurse who checked me the second time, one other nurse and the on call doctor.  This happened at about 10:15 AM, according to Bill's notes.  Apparently my doctor was going to be back in town  in a few hours, but I obviously wasn't going to be able to wait that long.  They started breaking down the bed around me.  I was supposed to get IV antibiotics but that just didn't happen.  I noticed that my left hand was going numb, and so they gave me oxygen.  I didn't realize I was hyperventilating.  The doctor introduced himself.  He works in the the same office as my doctor, so I'd at least seen him before, and heard good things about him from friends and acquaintances who saw him.  He asked about my birth plan.  I told him I'd wanted to do an all natural birth.  I couldn't think of the specific things he might want to know.  He responded with "Well I think you've done that, and we're very proud of you."  That made me feel good.  He had a calm, encouraging disposition throughout the whole crazy delivery, which I really apppreciated.  He then asked if I'd discussed any birth positions with my doctor, which I hadn't, because I thought there was still plenty of time left to do that.  So I ended up in the awful on the back dying bug position.  And I never want to do it that way again.  After assuming said position, doctor announces we're going to have this baby right away, gave us a run down of how it was going to go, and the 2nd nurse gave me tips on pushing.

I had a contraction and the 2nd nurse coached me on pushing.  She was coaching me in the way I'd wanted to avoid, but I went ahad and tried  the hypno birth birth breathing that I'd practied.  That just wasn't working, unfortunately.  Not to say that it doesn't work, I just wasn't getting the hang of it.  I also wasn't feeling the urge to push.  After that first contraction she had me practice pushing and I gave that a try on the next contraction.  It took a few tries but I got the hang of it.  Baby moved a little bit, but I still wasn't feeling the urge to push.

Fortunately, the urge kicked in with the next contraction and I couldn't NOT push like the nurse was suggesting.

That was a powerful feeling.  Truly amazing.  I'd heard the affirmations like "my body knows how to birth my baby," and I sure could feel that!  I didn't have to try anymore.  Those pushes were very effective.  I was able to get 2-3 pushes in with each contraction.  I was concerned about pushing after the contraction ended for some reason, and 2nd nurse yelling "push, push!" at me wasn't really helping.  I was able to get the third push in when one background nurse quietly said "you can do another one."  I felt like she understood why I was hesitant, and her gentle words gave me confidence to go for another push.  I so wish I'd taken note of her her name!  She was my very favorite nurse, although they were all really great.

The doctor had asked if we'd picked out any names.  We explained that we had it narrowed down to two choices, one for a dark haired girl and a different one if she didn't have dark hair.  He told us that she was going to get the first one.  That was pretty fun.

Baby crowned with the next contraction, about 10:45 AM, and that Bill announced "I can see her!"  He got a little teary.  I wanted to share in on that moment with him, but I felt so disconnected from everything except my body that all I could do was look at him and attempt a happy face.  The doctor asked if I wanted to touch baby's head or to use a mirror to see her, and I declined.  I was in "the zone" and just wanted to focus on working with my body to birth my baby.  I felt like the mirror especially would be more of a distraction than a help.

We did run into a super minor hitch.  The doctor had been trying to help make room for baby's head, but I wasn't stretching enough.  The doctor suggested that my tissues weren't going to stretch any more and that I was either going to push for quite a bit longer and suffer serious tearing, or get an episiotomy.  Episiotomy is an intervention I had really REALLY wanted to avoid, and since this doctor wasn't the one I had come to trust, I had a hard time knowing if it was really necessary.  But I needed to make a decision fast, so I decided to trust his experience, and I told him to do what he thought was best.  He went ahead and performed the episiotomy.  Blerg.  I was numb so it didn't hurt, but I hate the thought of incisions.

I got two really long pushes in with the next contraction.  I had a had time breathing between pushes because the urge was so strong.  Our little lady's head was delivered and she turned to the side, just like she was supposed to.  The doctor suctioned her mouth and nose a little, and according to Bill, her shoulders and the rest of her body just slid right out on the next.  I felt a bit of pain with the delivery of the rest of her little body, like the doctor was pulling on her.  That was really the only pain I experienced during the whole delivery though, so I really can't complain.  She was born at 10:51 AM.

I remember being happy to see her, happy to her sweet tiny cry, and unhappy at the sensation of the doctor gently pulling her body out of my body.  He placed her on my tummy and I observed how tiny she was.  Not just like newborn tiny, but like twin sized tiny.  I estimated that she was probably around 6 lbs.  I wasn't worried though, because she was a beautiful shade of pink and was breathing just fine.  I was kind of just wrapped up in my thoughts and didn't know what to do.  I think the 3rd nurse was trying to help bring me to the present by saying "look at that beautiful cord!"  Which I did.  Soon after, Bill cut her cord, then took my hand and placed it on baby.  I rubbed her little pink, soft arm and shoulder.  I wasn't really sure what to think.  I was just so shocked.  It all happened so fast.


Next baby was placed on my chest.  She ended up staying there for quite some time, since all the nurses disappeared after the placenta was delivered.  Turns out that it was an incredibly busy day and they had to attend a c section.  They did clean me and baby up a bit before they disappeared, so our parents got to see baby while we were waiting for the nurses to come back, and it was wonderful to see their reactions.

Eventually the nurse that first checked me came in and weighed our little lady.  She weighed 5 lbs 14 oz and 18 inches long, so I was pretty close with my estimate.  Then she helped me latch little lady.  This was kind of difficult, but fortunately our sweetheart was very eager to nurse and once we found the right angle and other things, she latched on and had a good nursing session.  Shortly after that, someone from our pediatrician's office came and did some initial observations.  He mentioned that our tiny lady was one of the most alert, bright-eyed newborns he'd ever seen.  After that my favorite nurse came in and performed a few procedures.  She put the little pink bow on baby's head, and decided to call her Princess Pie as I wasn't completely ready to settle on the name we had chosen for our dark haired girl.

We stayed in the hospital for two days so baby could be monitored for infection since I didn't get my antibiotics.  My favorite nurse was assigned to me both days that I was there, which made me really happy.  She told me that I was a little bit of a celebrity in L&D.  My doctor dropped by the next morning and also was impressed by my story.  He told me that I have a gift, and that I should make some backup plans for the next baby.

Between baby's eating strikes, vitals checks for us both, jaundice, and visitors (we loved seeing them though!), we didn't get much rest in the hospital.  We were very excited on Friday morning to learn that we could go home, as long as we came back the next morning to get little lady's bilirubin checked.

 See her cute baby fuzz?!

This sweet photo was taken by Bill's mom.

 It was so hard to listen to her cry and not be able to comfort her while she was on lights.  Fortunately, one awesome nurse figured out how to make her feel secure and snuggly.

We'd heard that when we got home we wouldn't know what to do, but we found that it seemed pretty natural.  We just took care of our sweet little lady, slept, and snuggled.  Her daddy didn't want to put her down.  His instant bond with her was one of the most gratifying things I've ever seen.

I guess that's the end of the story of how our little cutie came into this world.  We love her more and more every day!

**Please note, we have decided to keep her name and birthday private.  If you know this information, we ask that you don't give away the surprise!  If we see you in person, we'll be happy to introduce you to Chickpea, given name and all ;)**

Thanks for reading!

In which we learn why labor is named thus.

This post has been a long time coming.  I've wanted to write it down but I've either been to emotional to finish, or too distracted by life.  I decided to put other things aside on this Mother's Day and record the story of the events surrounding our little lady's birth, as remembered and experienced by myself.

After doing quite a lot of research and reflection, I decided that what made the most sense for me was  to have a minimal intervention, unmedicated birth.  I hoped I'd start labor on my own, and I did a lot of reading about the stages of labor and how to know when it was "time."

I was going have my baby after my due date- or at least I had convinced myself that I would.  I didn't want to experience the anxiety associated with waiting for baby to come around the due date, so I mentally added two weeks to that date.  At my 38 week checkup (a Wednesday) I wasn't showing any signs of progress toward delivery.  We scheduled my next appointment for the following Friday since my doctor was going to be on vacation for several days.  I figured baby would come in about 3 weeks.

Here I am at 35 weeks pregnant.

Late on Friday night, I started feeling some low back pain that kept me from falling asleep.  This happened every now and then during my pregnancy, as did insomnia, so I wasn't really worried about it.  I just used a heating pad as usual to try to get some relief.  It was taking me a long time to feel relaxed and tired, and just before I was finally ready to catch some Zzzz's I observed that I was showing some early labor signs.  I panicked for a moment, but remembered that this probably didn't mean that baby was coming immediately, so I calmed myself down and decided to try and get some sleep.  This was difficult because the pain continued when I laid down, but I discovered if I elevated my head it eased up a bit, so I finally got a little sleep.

On Saturday, I figured I'd better start preparing for baby's arrival in earnest since it was looking like she'd come closer to my due date than I expected.  I did important things like make hair bows, create two new playlists for labor, tidy up the nursery, and other things of supreme importance.  Early labor signs continued.  That night Bill and I started watching The Lord of the Rings trilogy, just because.  I did call my doctor's office to see if I could get some advice, but the answering system just said to go to L&D if you thought you were in labor.  I was pretty sure that wasn't necessary so I just relaxed that evening.

I was feeling optimistic about getting a good night's sleep and going to church in the morning, but when I laid down I would feel pain in my hips and couldn't sleep, even in a more upright position.  I became frustrated to tears, and sweet Bill caught on and offered to get out pillows and blankets and sleep on the couch with me.  I managed to get comfortable enough with him there to get some sleep. 

I did not make it to church the next morning, on account of having not slept much in the night.  Bill filled in for my calling as primary chorister.  The rest of that day I tried to relax and I ate when I had an appetite and managed to take a little nap.  Hip pain continued, though I did get some relief when we sat on the couch to watch our movies.  Bill gave me a massage before bed, but again, I couldn't sleep.  I started to notice that the hip pain definitely came in waves, so I tried to time the pains, thinking that perhaps they were contractions.  They would happen every 10 minutes or so, and according to what I had read even if they were contractions, it still wasn't "time."

I think it may have been that night that I asked Bill to give me a blessing of comfort.  I was very concerned that since I wasn't sleeping I might not have the strength to give birth, especially without medical interventions like I was so intent on doing.  In the blessing he said that I would have the strength I needed when it came time to give birth, that my Savior Jesus Christ understood the pains and emotions I was experiencing, and  that I had been entrusted with the life of this particular spirit.  I did find comfort in those words, as well as a sense of wonder, awe, and humility.

The next 36ish hours are a little bit of a blur.  I slept very little, did some easy chores around the house, felt confusion over the hip pains, had an appetite on and off, took showers at odd hours to get some pain relief.  During the day on Monday I was able to use my relaxation techniques to get a good nap in spite of the pain. The highlight of every day was our nightly movie watching time, because I got to be with my husband, and sitting upright eased the pain substantially. 

On Tuesday night things got intense.  It hurt to go to the bathroom because I was feeling so much pressure.  The pains in my hips had started to feel like a very strong person was squeezing my hips from behind, trying to break them.  Soon, the pain became constant.  Now you might be thinking "why didn't you go to the hospital?  Or wake your husband?" The answer is that it didn't even occur to me.  The pain was all consuming.  Also because I'm a rather reserved, private person and I don't like to inconvenience others, and I generally deal with difficult things on my own.  So I just sat in the rocking chair in the nursery trying not to stay relaxed, and for the first time in my pregnancy, I felt angry at my tiny baby for causing me so much pain.  In hindsight, I think I may have been in transition at this point.

After several hours of this, things calmed down very slightly.  I took a shower and got in bed, but didn't sleep.  The pain continued to subside, but I was pretty sure I was in some stage of labor.  I laid in bed until Bill woke up, which was pretty early.  He started timing contractions for me.  They were anywhere from 4-17 minutes apart, so we figured it wasn't quite time yet.

Bill decided to go ahead and go to work.  I ate a little, then knelt on the bed with my legs tucked underneath me, leaned against the headboard, and feel asleep.

I don't know how long I was asleep, but when I woke up around 9 I realized I was noticeably damp.  I evaluated myself for signs of bladder leakage and didn't find any.  I texted Bill about this discovery.  He called my doctor's office.  They told him we should go to the hospital.

He came home and we packed up a couple of last minute items into the hospital bag.  I changed clothes and tamed my bangs, and decided to skip doing my hair.  Bill put our things in my car, and we were on our way to the hospital.  What a long, painful drive that was!  I could no longer sit without feeling substantial pain.

(This story will continue in another post.)